Well, I've found myself in another hole. I can't understand why I put myself in these situations. It hurts. It really does. I just can't understand, why I do this, what is wrong with me, why I can't take the initiative.. It's there, but I just can't reach out and grab it. The last time I threw myself out there, there was no one to catch me. I'm unsure, always unsure. I need to be more open. Yea, I'm horrible at communication, yea, I'm horrible at showing how I care, yea, I'm just plain terrible, yea, she deserves better... I longed for a relationship. I wanted it for something real, but I just couldn't make it happen. Maybe I'm still not ready for this and I don't know if I'll ever be ready. I'm done looking. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I know that aching feeling just as well as anybody and I try to avoid it just like anyone else. I can't stop thinking about this. I hope, cause that's all I can do. I'm not confident enough, brave enough, or strong enough for anybody right now. It drives me crazy at how weak of a person I can be.. Damnit!! Get yourself together!